


Weeping in visions

by Cr4zydreamer, XEOHE



Series: Under your mask [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice, Ezra Bridger Needs a Hug, Gen, Whumptober 2019, and for hurting the smol, and his wife - Freeform, and space aunt, we all dislike maul for hurting our man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 05:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21221627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cr4zydreamer/pseuds/Cr4zydreamer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/XEOHE/pseuds/XEOHE
Summary: “You mean... my apprentice.”He was a second too late.An AU where Kanan is dying and Ezra can’t save him.





	Weeping in visions

**Author's Note:**

> Whumptober 2019 prompts used:  
1\. shaky hands  
8\. stab wound  
17\. "stay with me"  
31\. embrace

Ezra felt like someone had reached into his chest and gripped his heart in a tight fist.

Malachor looked like a blur of moving pixels and muted sound: nothing would focus, save for Ahsoka before him, expression withdrawn. She was saying something urgently, but her words wouldn’t reach Ezra’s ears.

All his focus was on the body— _ his master _ at her feet, struggling to move with a gaping hole in his chest.

Then like a holovid on fast-forward, everything else caught up to Ezra in sharp relief—Ahsoka’s voice, his master’s labored breathing—and he quickly rushed to Kanan’s side. “Kanan,” he tried to say, but it came out as a strangled whisper. “ _ Kanan _ !”

He cradled Kanan’s head onto his lap, his hands moving to the stab wound in hopes of stifling the blood flow. 

“Hey, master, Kanan… p-please, look at me.” Ezra’s voice cracked. His vision blurred, welling with tears that threatened to spill. Kanan was so pale… he looked like he was dying. 

_ Ezra couldn’t let that happen. _

“E..Ezra...” 

“No, it’s fine, it’s fine,” Ezra rambled, blinking furiously.  _ Now was not the time to cry _ . His hands shook as he kept his hands on Kanan’s chest. “Don’t talk, save your strength. You’ll be fine, it’s  _ fine _ …”

_ It's fine, it's fine, he'll be okay, you can  _ save _ him— _

He looked around frantically, and the sight of Ahsoka lowering herself next to Kanan grounded him, if only a little bit. “Ahsoka!” he said. “Ahsoka, you can use the Force to heal, can’t you? I know it’s been mentioned in the Jedi holocron.  _ Please _ , you have to help me.”

Ahsoka regarded him heavily as she placed her hand on his shoulder. “Ezra—“

“—if we use the force to heal him, he’ll be okay,” Ezra said, gaining hope even as his head felt heavy. This could be the solution to save his master.

_ He’ll be okay, safe and sound and alive. _

“E-Ezra… Y-you can't save me..”

He must have heard that wrong. He looks back down to his master, teal eyes staring into his own. 

Kanan’s gaze was unfocused but his words were resigned.

Before Ezra could even argue, Ahsoka’s grip on his shoulder tightened ever so slightly, drawing his attention. “Ezra,” she said softly, and it was that tone that nearly set him off again, that low, soothing tone that promised nothing good. “His wound is too severe. This is beyond the extent of my capabilities. Even an experienced Force healer can’t help him now.”

Had Ezra been in his right state of mind he would have noticed that beneath the firmness of her voice was a current of defeat and acceptance. “Do you understand?” she asked him.

Ezra’s breath hitched “No…” realizing what she meant. There isn’t a way to save his master, his  _ dad.  _ He’s going to die here on this awful sake of a planet.

And it was all his  _ fault. _

_ Kanan is going to die because of you— _

“I’m sorry Ezra. There is nothing we can do—“ 

“No! I’m not going to accept this.” His voice cracked and he covered his mouth to block a sob from breaking through. 

** _Do or do not, there is no try_ **

** _What does that even mean? How do you do something if you don't try to do it?_ **

Tears were dripping down his face by the time he got out of his own head. He turned to Kanan, who stared back at him, desperately trying to  _ stay alive  _ but knowing he was fading away.

Nothing else existed but Kanan’s gaze on him, not Ahsoka, not the Temple, not Malachor.

Ezra bent forward as Kanan spoke, “You’ll be okay, kid. You’ll be great.” He clutched at Ezra’s arm. “This isn’t your fault.”

“How can you say that when me trusting Maul has got you into this in the first place?!” Ezra cried. “Please. You have to stay with me. Don’t go. Hera...”

Ezra bit his lip, unable to finish the thought. Hera would be heartbroken, he knew, just picturing it in his mind’s eye: coming back to Atollon and telling her it was because of him that Kanan would never come home.

It was his own fault. He’ll be blamed. Hera, Sabine, Zeb, Chopper… they'll all hate him. Especially after this.

“E-ezra, look at me…”

Ezra immediately focused on Kanan, trying to ignore how harsh his breathing was becoming, how hard his hands shook. “I’m proud of you.” 

** _“Nope, I might not be able to swordfight yet, but I can shoot.” He smirked at Kanan._ **

** _His master smirked back. “Kid, you continue to impress.”_ **

Ezra sobbed, refusing to believe him.

“I’m  _ proud  _ of you, Ezra,” Kanan repeated insistently. Weakly. “You’ve come so much farther than anyone would have ever thought. Never doubt yourself.”

“Master—”

Kanan’s face distorted in pain and panic bubbled in Ezra. “... Dad?” he whispered softly, so light Kanan might not have even heard it.

His master breathed, but barely, his eyes rolling sluggishly beneath lids that wouldn’t open anymore. Ezra continued to embrace him, unaware he was rocking them ever so slightly. How Kanan was able to summon enough strength to speak his last words, Ezra couldn’t fathom. It felt like time stretched between them, Ezra torn between wanting to hold on to his master, and wishing it would end so Kanan didn’t have to suffer any longer.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that...

Then he felt the bond snap.

* * *

Remembering that your master had died wasn’t a good way to wake up. Ahsoka had to remind him of it with a great deal of gentleness as soon as they had exited hyperspace and Atollon loomed in from the viewport. She had sat in the seat across from him, wanting to make sure he was okay. 

But he wasn’t okay. How could he ever be, after this…?  _ They couldn’t even bring his body back for a proper kriffing funeral _ .

He didn’t remember being taken onto the Phantom. He didn’t remember screaming and crying for Kanan. Begging for his master to come back to him. 

** _“Sorry. I just don't see the point of this..”_ **

** _“The point is that you're not alone.”_ **

He’d brought his knees to his chest, ignoring Ahsoka’s concerned glances on him. His head hurt, his throat hurt; he felt like he could cry forever, but most of all he was just empty.

_ Numb. _

“Ezra… we ’ re here.”

Ezra almost wanted to throw up. The sight of Hera hurrying over to greet their return was almost too much to bear. But he owed her at least this.

Hera caught on immediately. Her eyes traveled to the blood stains on Ezra’s shirt and the glaring lack of Kanan’s presence. She sought Ezra out, wordlessly asking him to explain.

Ezra couldn’t look her in the eye.

_ Coward. _

“Hera…” he said thickly. The gentle hand she placed on his arm almost brought a fresh wave of tears.  _ He didn’t deserve her kindness _ .

“Kanan… he told me to tell you… he’s sorry, he couldn’t keep his promise.”

** _We’ll see each other again, I promise._ **

_ I promise... _

Ezra couldn't stand it any longer. He shook her off and bolted, ignoring the pleas and hands reaching out for him. He didn’t know where he was running. He just wanted to be alone. It wasn't until he stopped, gasping for breath, that he realized where his feet took him: the place he had been laying down on right before they left for Malachor, where he'd watched a convor flying lazily overhead.

He sat at the edge, staring at those beautiful colours in the sky that the sun was allowing. _How did it have a right to be this magnificent, while he felt like bantha shit inside? _Ezra stayed there long after the sun had set and the moon had risen. No one came for him. Just as well.

_ Worthless. _

After everything the Spectres had done for him,  _ this _ was how he repaid them. He would take Kanan's place in a heartbeat. He knew the Ghost crew would never blame him for it, but they were wrong. Kanan had trusted Ezra completely—

** _“You shouldn't have come here, but I'm glad you did.”_ **

** _“You would've done the same for me. In fact, you have.”_ **

—and he just left his master to die.


End file.
